This past April, we were forced to move out of our home in Waikoloa. The homeowners from which we were renting, decided it would be a swell idea not to pay their mortgage for a decade, so they foreclosed the unit & we had a very small amount of time to find another place. We were stressed, but not completely because we had been in this situation a few times before.

Luckily, we found a place that was around the same size as our condo in Waikoloa and also $300 cheaper in rent. However, it was in my hometown, Hilo. Which is an hour and a half away. But on such short notice, we made the decision to jump at the opportunity to save the money and be closer to family. We loaded up a U-haul, two trucks, an SUV & had a few good friends help us with the move.

To be completely honest, my husband and I weren’t exactly happy with our decision to move to this new town. We were literally moving to the shadier part of the island. Hilo is the rainiest town in our state and Waikoloa is basically the land of sunshine and white sand. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hometown. But like everywhere you go, there will be assholes, jerks, theives. It just so happens Hilo is more populated with them.

Not even 3 months of living in our new Hilo home, we were robbed.

One morning, just this past week actually, I was sitting at the kitchen table and my husband, Jason, walks into the room:

J: “Did you find what you were looking for?”
A: “What was I looking for?”
J: “I assumed you were looking for something, I went into the car and the glove box was empty and everything was all over the car.”
A: “I haven’t been in the car in like 3 days.”
***SILENCE***
J: “Are you serious?”

Somewhere between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. someone went into my car, trashed it & then stole my husbands iPod. I was shaking. Someone was near my home? Going through my car and my personal things? All while my family was home and asleep? & I didn’t even know?? My space felt invaded to say the least.. but I’m glad they just took the iPod and nothing else. We all know it could have been worse.

Two days go by. I’ve been making sure to lock the car doors, my front door, garage doors and check in on my children more often. I was disturbed. Jason works late nights and usually doesn’t get home till around 10:30 p.m. sometimes even 11. I can’t wait for him to come home, it’s a relief and I feel safe again. Just two nights after my car was robbed. We were hit again.

This time it was around 10:30 p.m. and it was one of those nights Jason was working late. The children were asleep and I was in my room, laying in bed watching Netflix on my iPad. I hear noises in my carport. My bedroom window sees into the carport:

***pic taken after incident – carport light as off during incident.***

My bedroom light was on, any intruder would have easily been able to tell that I was home and awake. But he had the nerve to come into my carport anyway. The thought had crossed my mind, “Maybe i’m just being paranoid? (because of the recent robbery) maybe its the neighbors walking around?” So I turned my iPad off and listened, hard.

I could hear the sound of slippers, loudly.  I could even hear them echo off the walls as they hit the cement. He wasn’t even trying to be sneaky. My curtains were closed and the carport light was off at the time. I guess they realized I could hear them because the slippers stopped in their tracks. Even though he was stopped, I knew how close he was to my window because I could hear his body shifting. I could hear his clothes rubbing together when he moved and it gave me chicken skin. Then I could finally hear him rummaging through my things.

My eyes became big and I screamed. No words, just a loud scream. Immediately after screaming I quickly pulled back the curtains to see who it was and all I got was a glimpse of his dirty feet and slippers as he ran away. I was in shock, and frozen, thinking about a million things at once. & then FINALLY my reaction to check on my kids kicked in.

There they were, asleep, still in their beds. My adrenaline was pumping and the first thing I did was call my husband. BTW, your first call should always be the police. ALWAYS. That was a major fail on my part. I remember not being able to speak while I was on the phone with Jason, I remember my mouth being open and his words sounding faint over the phone. My body was just tuning everything out. He was 20 minutes away from home and told me to call the police as soon as I got off the phone with him.

I called our local PD & got into it with the dispatcher, which resulted in me telling her, “If you’re going to be a bitch about this, then forget it.” I hung up and finally just cried.

The feeling of not knowing how to protect my own children consumed me. I couldn’t go out there and beat the dude, leaving my door open and unlocked, a straight path to my children. Maybe he meant no physical harm & was just looking to steal? My mind started going and hasn’t really stopped since. There were so many things I could have done differently, but I froze up. Now I am constantly thinking of ways to protect my children if this should ever happen again.

For the record, I don’t own a gun and don’t plan on owning a gun. & for the political kick, let me just say I have nothing against gun ownership in this country. I just know that as an emotionally unstable woman with PTSD, borderline personality disorder, chronic depression & anxiety.. I should NOT be a citizen with a firearm in my possession. My choice, moving on.

Luckily, the dispatcher caught my address as she was trying to speak over me on the phone & sent over a few officers. So mystery dispatcher, whoever you are, if you’re reading this, thanks. Also, sorry for calling you a bitch, I was emotional.

The officers took what information they needed for documentation and left.

To this day, I am deeply disturbed in my own home. I can’t sleep. I jump at any noise or chatter I hear outside. I’m always getting freaked out by shadows and passing cars. A friend of mines came over last night and witnessed my small bit of my PTSD. My neighbor was leaving and I heard a car door shut. My body was instantly triggered & I literally jumped out of my seat, heart racing and eyes large. My friend had put his hand on my shoulder to assure me everything was okay. He rubbed the top of my back and I looked at him and he looked back at me, concerned and almost sad to see me in a panic.

I was safe, for now.